"Over a quarter of a century of stupidity"

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Random Quote

"Politicians are just Daily Mail journalists writ large, aren't they? They're always telling us what's going to happen, and we know they don't know!"

Tom Baker 

Since the site has that random quote feature at the bottom of the menu and the "database" of quotes is getting rather lengthy now, using up around 135K of space on the server and containing a total of 924 quotes here's a chance to see eight of them at once, selected totally at random (so yes, that does mean that the same quote will sometimes appear more than once but it's not a bug... honest!) for your reading pleasure. Reload the page if you'd like some more where these came from and please note that some of these quotes are of an adult nature and the more sensitive amongst you may want to look away now!

"Sorry for coarse language, I had linguistic ability and diverse vocabulary once.. but I think I left them on a train once and haven't seen them since."

Matt Hubbard 

"Simple form of the 3 laws of thermodynamics:
1. You can't win,
2. You can't break even.
3. You can't get out of the game."


"Look at these people, these human beings, consider their potential. From the day they arrive on the planet and, blinking, step into the sun there is more to see than can ever be seen, more to do than... no, hold on. Sorry, that's the Lion King. But the point still stands!"

The Doctor 

"I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image."

Stephen Hawking 

"So all of a sudden they wake up one mornin' and the Greeks have gone. And there outside the city walls they've left this gift; this tribute to their valiant foes: a huge wooden horse, just large enough to happily contain 500 Greeks in full battle dress and still leave adequate room for toilet facilities? Are you telling me not one Trojan goes, 'Hang on a minute, that's a bit of a funny prezzy. What's wrong with a couple hundred pairs of socks and some aftershave?'"

David Lister 

"And after Jeremy's frankly useless efforts were put on the television, a Scottish lady called Jackie Stewart wrote to us saying that she could get any one of us, to any race track in the country, in any car, get us to set our best time, and then she could get us to knock twenty seconds off that time."

Richard Hammond 

"I'm not so good on gonorrhea but I'm very sound on syphilis."

Liza Picard 

"Why would anybody think this was a holiday? I mean at what point in the last eight hours have I done anything I'd call holidayish? Nothing! I've been in a car accident, I've watched James May destroy a camp site, I've stabbed myself seven times..."

Jeremy Clarkson 
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